GO GO GO...

go roger...come on...i know you can do it...time to shine and kick some andy ass...woohoo

Today...

Hybernation complete...im back...not that my millions of readers missed me (ATTENTION: Please read me...) or that i have been away for eons that my computer deserves a sweep. Ive just been around...trying hard to keep up with my facebook and twitter (yes, i have twitter...Oh Lord help me).
Yes, i officially restarted my goals and the diet regimen started the 1st of July...which i hope to continue religiously.
Joe and I are fine...
Life has been good...
I just need to keep up with it...

crap...

the weather has been cooperative so far...for one who hates the summer heat, this gloomy june has been a much needed caress...
i have been slowly accomplishing some and straying from some of my goals...even...i dont know if that really is a good sign or that i should be completing all exponentially and with ease but hey 1 out 50 is still better than 0...
joe and i are ok so far and have been for a while now...he just passed 3rd semester, the hardest of his 4 for his rn program...we're all very proud...undeniably smart and resilient (joe and resilience...a: capable of withstanding shock without permanent deformation or rupture b: tending to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change)...
regardless of the slow and ever procrastinated goals...i am ok. i guess after a while you tend to just retreat to your shell and hybernate. i just need some more time to recuperate...from what??? i have no idea...but i wish to be resilient as well.
i have nothing else to say...no i am not depressed, no i am not frustrated, no i am not ??? i do feel like crap whenever i remember what i need to do has not been done yet but no use in regretting...MOVING FORWARD...that's better than feeling crap while stagnant...

dahil sa sop at kay regine...

ok so i was watching nonstop you tube videos and came across some regine videos when i was looking for allison from ai singing alone...one thing lead to another and here i am typing away while listening to some more videos from SOPs FTR (for the record)...ok??? funny funny thing is that when i was in the philippines...id rather watch (during sunday lunches)...IRON CHEF Japan...with the funny dubbing and translations...when i got here i just started watching videos from SOP, etc on you tube (through Jake's many tips and links)...it may be because i miss the philippines i guess....and tonight, alone in my room, i miss it more than ever. when i was little the whole family would usually be in the living room watching "variety" shows right after lunch...yah yah, old school shit...we dont have that here...people sleep til they cant sleep anymore...sun would slap em right across the face and people wouldn't even budge...bwahahaha...i remember getting wake up calls and furious knocks from my dad at 6:30am, breakfast as soon as i get down and church at 8, 7:45 to get our usual seating. lunches and dinners were always together...the whole family would wait for each other to sit before starting the meal with a prayer...and everyone helps to clean the table after (except for my loving dad and crazy brother hahahaha)...4yrs away from home may have lessened the tears but never the longing...
so this blog is for jake, sop and regine...LECHE...made me depressed on a thursday night (yes the day before friday...DUH??? TGIF) i guess i just either have nothing better to write or was just reminded that it is indeed time to text my family tonight and ask how my dad's compliance with his regimen is or how my mom's garden looks like now (after the weekly changes) or if my brother is still watching the playoffs every year or if my two crazy but super cute nephews are still giving my sister-in-law much undeserving headaches...
wait let me grab my crackberry and start...

we all hurt...

ok so the discussion was...maybe my friend was meant to be single so he could help people with their problems...maybe its true...the lesser problems you have the more in tuned you are to those of others...but to assume to be single for a long time is not because it was God's will but yours.

people hurt in many ways...and so they love in many ways...yes we hope not to love the wrong person but unless you open your heart to the possibilities you will never know if its right or wrong. we only hope to hurt and learn from our experiences. after, it may be easy to say NEVER again...but you have to keep falling to know which one will catch your fall each and every single time.

we were made to hurt. but we were also made to love...and my friend may be meant to help as he sees it...then lucky me to have so much wisdom and experiences to guide me through my life, i know...IT IS A FACT...he has always been one of my bestfriends that have helped me and stayed with me through thick or thin...but my dear...don't lose yourself in the process of focusing on others...it might just be right there, staring at you, and you passing it by...love yah...

updates...

honestly, ive haven't had anything to write about for a while now...i was reading my birthday blog and it was neither juicy nor interesting either...it was ayt...it was blah...it was vanilla...
and i am telling you...this blog will not change the world or much...it's my usual update...

i am now 27...as you might have read...and it feels ordinary. im still getting carded for alcohol so that makes it seem acceptable to age slightly. i do still plan to lose weight...that and fulfill my "secret" plans...im almost halfway through...so that's reason enough to smile every now and then.

having self-diagnosed "addictive personality"...i think im starting to be addicted to tennis...i know i was and still am a fan...loved all of stefi graf, from her slice backhand to envied power forehand...loved goran ivanisevic for his serve and his face (hahaha)...hated pete sampras for almost getting by with just his serve...and still wish for roger to come back from his setbacks and rule once again. now i transition my tv love to reality, im trying hard to change my ping pong forehand and badminton swing to a legitimate tennis hand...try and sustain a game without double faulting and finally hang with the girls.


i am now officially inlove with facebook. hahahaha. yes, i am...the many applications and easy change of pages. love the fact that i can write on my friends walls while chatting with them...or fish like crazy while answering some quizzes with the hope to have some fun look into my subconscious.

i promise to write often...the blogs shall be coming more and more. although my laptop is lost somwhere in the moreno valley (supposedly getting upgrades)...joe's will have to suffice for now...thanks beb for letting me use it while watching my shows everyday.

joe and i are doing well, much better i think. ive had some talks with him and we seem to be on the same page, after what seemed like forever. i hope to prolong this bliss...i still love him to death.

there...no more no less...at least i think so...soon i shall log in again and type my a** off for something more juicy...for now...it's vanilla at its whitest...

Birthday Blues...

still suffering from over intake of that diuretic called alcohol...
still feeling the wonderful effects of some definitely hard hands of my masseuse...
still looking forward to tennis tonight and maybe drinks after...
still love not having work tomorrow...a monday...
still cant wait to taste that mango cake after i blow my candles and make my wish...

i feel so old and they say im still so young...i know i am bound to mention my experiences of late...i know i will say again that i have matured so exponentially this 2008...but i have. the many trials i had to overcome last year where very awakening to say the least. they were major eye-openers. and i am thankful for each and every one of them. 27 does seem so old, because i do feel old in a way. 2008 made me old.
i've wished for many things and planned for many changes...this 2009 brings another year of change for me. i already have my plans set...and i hope to accomplish them well...AND TIMELY. and i know i can do it. as i sit here typing away, i already am processing in my head my timeline and my MO.
i had a great birthday night with friends. a culmination of a years worth of ups and downs. i finally saw my good, long and lost friends...from pinas to gurls to hp to fv to new tennis friends. it was indeed a night of remembrance...and a night of fun.
for the first time in years i have no words of wisdom...or long essays...or a mind-boggling blog.
i guess for now...i am content...the plan has been set, the past is now accepted, the lessons have been learned and the future is welcomed with open hands...
welcome 27...welcome...

i burned my popcorn...

yes...i did...how can you actually burn popcorn...something so facile...so simple...so easy...and now i peruse through my tub and find not even half edible...

its just all about my valentine's day blah...

I've always been very vocal about the commercialism of this day and even after all these years having someone to celebrate it year after year...i have expressed to many time and time again that it is nothing but a day where our vendors hike up their prices to make money off of people...
i do believe that...but i will also be such a hypocrite if i do not declare that i also look forward to this time of the year...

it's all about the proof, the hope, the glimpse, the tinge, the sign, the promise, the possibilities...

the day that love is proven...whether obligated or not.

for one day in a year...we are reminded that we are as one...that we are a couple, that we are tied together and that we care for each other. having been with joe for almost 4yrs now, i really do not need much proof of our love for each other but it is nice every now and then to be reminded of so. do not get me wrong, it has not been perfect. sometimes, especially in long term relationships...you tend to take each other for granted. we forget every now and then...as we are not perfect, but this day of the year always brings hope. i only imagine this day to be like my mom and dad...together for more than 30yrs, routine and simple each day but never to forget to do something on valentine's day.

and it is the same for new couples as well. i was asked by a friend if its ok to ask her boyfriend of one month what are the plans for valentines day. i say no, i say wait...let it come. i know it will kill you inside but the reward is in the surprise. if he does something so romantic and so unexpected then you will know, as a new couple, that he is worth keeping. if plans come forgotten then you will also know that a decision needs to be made. if this day means more than just a day then it is time to think of your next move, your next choice. it is elating to be reminded that here we are...that yes we care for each other. although it is sometimes unnerving to reveal you feelings to someone you barely have been with but again it is all about the proof, the hope, the glimpse, the tinge, the sign, the promise, the possibility of love and care in store for each other. and we will always have this year etched in our memories...as a day of firsts. might be your first valentine's day or the first rose or the first i love you or the first kiss.

for those that are single this year...no worries...its but any other day of the year. cherish the love of family and love of friends. time to move on...again this day brings forth hope...that next year shall be better than today.

much like my popcorn experience...i would have assumed 3mins is the standard, even with a low or high heat microwave. but it has brought me such an unfortunate surprise to see that the standard is wrong...i needed to be proven wrong. we all need to either be proven wrong or right. this day is anything but ordinary to not just most but to everyone. and whether people admit or not, they do think of what this day means to them, even if just in their subconscious.

joe said dinner and a movie, he's already made his reservations. typical, simple, expected. but having taken the role of planner in 90% of our moments...i take this as a positive sign. the effort is appreciated...believe me. the cynical me is taking a back seat...i have embraced today. i have been proven wrong again. and when time comes that i am alone this day of the year for some murderous reason then the commercialism theory shall resurface once again.

thanks joe...you know i love you...

quod erat demonstratum...